Have you ever been so overwhelmed with what life was handing out that you wish you could spend the rest of your days under the duvet? I was sitting in one of my counselling sessions, really pleased with the progress I was making, thinking to myself “hmm what else can I talk about? Oh, I know…”
I decided to tell my counsellor (because I was so proud of what I had done) about something I was doing to help me with my grief. I told her that when I thought of my sister, who passed away last October, I found that my thoughts would lead my emotions down a road that I knew wouldn’t be good for me, so I would change the focus of my thoughts immediately. I learnt to keep my thoughts of Ana short thus keeping my heart safe.
“Why, what’s down that road?” she asked
“It’s dark and sad” I responded, “and I don’t want to go there.”
This was met with what seemed to me like a barrage of questions:
What’s down there?
Why don’t you not want to go there?
Why is the road dark and sad?
I was so angry at her for asking me these questions. Did she not hear me say I didn’t want to go there!
Why was it dark and sad? Because I miss my sister. “It’s ok to be sad and to miss your sister” she continued, “Why don’t you want to go down that road?”
As I paused to think about the question, it came to me….
I was afraid to go down that road because the sadness I felt was so dark and heavy, I was afraid it was going to overwhelm me and I was not going to make it back. I felt like I was enveloped by grief and that I was going to die in my sadness. I was and still am missing my dear sister!
As these words left my mouth I could feel myself choking through the tears as I once again faced the reality of Ana’s death. She was not going to be around anymore.
“Where is Jesus in relation to that road?” my counsellor asked
“Huh? Jesus? What the hell has he got to do with this? This is my pain, my darkness, he’s good and is the light. He’s got nothing to do with this!” was my response in my head, however I knew that He did promise He was going to be with us, always – so I closed my eyes and to my surprise, there He was.
Jesus was behind me at the beginning of the road and I knew that I could turn back at any time, He would be there for me. As I lifted my head to face the front, I was more surprised to see His loving face at the end of the road, encouraging me towards himself. I couldn’t believe it. For the first time, I could see that not only did road have an end but there was also a light there.
Jesus was at the beginning and the end of the road. He is the beginning and the end. The alpha and omega.
Isaiah 43 New International Version (NIV)
43 But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
This scripture tells us that whatever difficulties life may throw us, we WILL PASS THROUGH, we will not drown nor will be burned. We will not be consumed because He who created us and called us is always with us.
He is in the water with us when we feel like we are drowning. He is in the fire with us when we feel like we are going to be consumed and if we look for Him, we will see Him and when we see Him – we can be assured, that we will not be stuck there…we are passing through.
If you are going through trying times right now, I encourage you to look for Jesus. Look for life and light – then walk through. He is with you!
I would love to pray for you. Let me know if you would like prayer support right now.
God bless you